My Somewhere

Fun fact!  When you’re attempting to build your online persona, you have to keep tweaking it until you get what you want out there for the whole world to see.  Another fun fact: sometimes you make missteps.  This is why I’ve trashed two posts of mine from this space.  I didn’t like the tone of the second half of the series, so I trashed the entire two-part set.  I don’t believe in deleting problematic material.  One of my literary heroes, Georgia Mason from Mira Grant‘s Newsflesh series, values the truth above all things.  I am not ashamed to admit that I do occasionally ask myself “What would Georgia do?” when it comes to dealing with how I present myself in this particular space.  It’s tough!  When I’m writing for Speculative Chic, it’s not so much pressure.  I have an amazing group of peers and a fantastic editor that keeps things rolling.  Here?  It’s just me.  Hell, I can’t even settle on a proper title for my solo blog just yet.  This is why the placeholder title.  Eventually I will figure out how to do this.

As I mentioned above, I’m building my online persona right now.  I’ve been using the Internets for years, like most of my age group, but this is the first time that I’m stepping out into the spotlight and attempting to do something with it.  I’m not hiding behind childish screen names any longer.  I’m presenting myself.  It’s not easy to figure out what to put out there and what to hold back.  The two posts that I talked about trashing in the earlier paragraph were trashed because they contained an attitude that I didn’t really want to put out there.  I don’t want to be seen as a complainer or a whiner.  I want to be able to complain about important things.  I want, if that day should come, for my complaints to be about valid things that I have enough clout to speak about and stand behind.  I don’t want to fuss about petty crap that nobody really cares about.  It’s a learning process.  I know that there are going to be times when I’m going to be unhappy with something and I’m going to be tempted to take to this spot and vent about it.  It’s hard to tamp down those urges.  I cut my blogging teeth on LiveJournal when I was in college.  That was entirely different from what I intend to do with this space.  This isn’t a venue for my friends to observe the often humorous and pathetic tales of young adult woe.  This is a blog that may someday serve as early examples of what I hope will be an accomplished writing career.  I know that when I enter the publishing arena that it will be mostly on me to sell my brand, whether I self-publish or go for the traditional route.  I have to start somewhere; this is my somewhere.

Another fun fact: when I’m working on nonfiction pieces, I can’t really listen to new music.  I need something that will drown out the world so that I can focus, but it also has to be something that I can ignore.  This, for me, boils down to music that I grew up with.  I am amused at my own playlist for nonfiction.  It includes, among other things, Queen’s entire Kind of Magic album, selections from the likes of Amy Grant and *NSYNC, and an early album by the man behind Enigma.  In college I had an entire CD that was just for listening to when I was writing papers.  I would swap between that and the aforementioned Queen album anytime I had work that I really needed to do.  *NSYNC was added to the list because it was weirdly calming to me when I was first in college.  I started experiencing actual stress in my freshman year.  I got stomachaches and everything.  *NSYNC’s first album, strangely, helped ease the stress.  It was the only thing I could listen to that actually seemed to help me feel better.  I do not know why this is.  I didn’t ever actually have anything against *NSYNC, really.  I just considered myself to have better musical taste than that when I was an all-knowing seventeen year old.  I openly laughed at “I Want You Back” when I heard it for the first time.  Joke’s on me.  Guess what’s blasting in my headphones right now?  Yeah.  Ha ha.  But it works, and that’s all that really matters, isn’t it?

It is.